Baby pile up

We made it to our very last a class. Ziya was the last baby to be born and had the longest delivery. She is the one in the blue onsie on the left. This baby pile up photoshoot was as much fun as dressing up the pets for Christmas.

Birth

What a blur. I was hoping for a drive by birth. I would basically show up, drop the baby and we would go home together. I was also hoping to keep things positive and present and not spin down into past trauma.

Due to baby lateness (11 days), I had been planning to take the cocktail on Saturday morning, but labour beat me to it and started Friday night after building an ikea chair. I was hoping that being on my hands and knees assembling would help the baby move into a good position. We did the first part of labour at home with my doula’s help. There was puking, cheering, baths, walking and some tyenol and gravel to try to sleep. After many hours and only 2 centimeters dilated my midwife suggested a shot of morphine so that I could sleep. The main concern was that this was looking long and that I would get too tired by the end.

Car rides and contractions are not fun and we had to wait an hour to get the shot. They gave me laughing gas. I kept breathing it thinking if this is how much it hurts while breathing gas non-stop I am never going to make it home in the car. Turns out it was never on! Luckily the later on when they gave it to me a second time later on the doula caught that it was off. It does actually help and I recommend it!

I came home after the shot and kept going. Eventually we went back to the hospital and got admitted. I thought it would be impossible to have contractions and anxiety at the same time. I figured that contractions would trump everything else. Turns out it is possible it is possible to have both. Yikes! Being in the birth room and seeing all the medical equipment hit the anxiety buttons, but I made it through with F’s help. Not too big of a deal. Eventually I made it to 5 cm at the hospital. Labour was wacky the whole way through. It stopped and started and then contractions would come one after another. After many many hours of this, my midwife suggested oxtocin and I decided to have an epidural with it.

The epidural was the best decision ever. I was finally able to sleep and all the anxiety about being checked and examined went away and for the first time I felt my body relax. We were hoping this would help open things up. I had a great nurse, midwife, doula and F and I started to feel like I was in a warm safe place in the hospital. But again, labour was still so slow. I finally got to 9.5 cm and stayed there for 4 hours. There was a little bit of cervix that just wouldn’t budge. Multiple OB’s came and finally decided I should try pushing and see if it goes away.

I was a super rockstar pusher and pushed with everything in me for two and a half hours. I am very proud of the pushing and that I made it that far.

After pushing for a while all kinds of people wanted to reassess to see if that last little bit bit of cervix was budging. The delay meant that they wanted to put the catheter back. Unfortunately the epidural was getting low and the catheter suddenly unexpectedly hurt. The safe warm bubble I was in suddenly burst.  The dam holding the trauma issues burst and it was almost an hour before I was able to refocus again. I wish this part had been smoother for me. I also know that given everything, I did really well in labour and birth. Given that amount of severe trauma I have been through, it sometimes  jumps out and bites and that is a part of my life. I have come so far and it rarely hits that hard, but still there is no magical eraser for it. I want to feel that I did really good in labour and proud of everything and this anxiety attack still bugs me a little.

Basically this baby was stuck and I was spent. I had been in labour since Friday night. She was sunny side up and not in a good position to come out or to get my cervix to dilate. I had walked and walked and tried different positions and she was still stuck.  Late Sunday night I had a C section. It was amazing after so many days of labour to suddenly have her pop out in 10 minutes.

I look at her now with and can’t believe we have her with us and that she is the one that has been kicking my right rib for months. F was incredible during the whole labour and then got to hold little Ziya right after she was born.

Ziya

Thanks so much for all the good wishes! We are so lucky to have a blog family. I will post more later.

xoxox

We are home!

I can’t tell you how happy we are to be home with our girl!

Little Ziya was born November 29 at 11:30. She was 8lbs 4 ounces.

Labour from beginning to end was 50 hours followed by a C section. We had a short time together in our hospital room as a family when one of the nurses noticed that she wasn’t breathing right. Ziya then spent a few days in the special care nursery in an incubator before being able to come back with us in our room and continue care there. Now she breathing is fine and a very healthy girl.

We are very grateful for the amazing care we received  at the hospital and from friends and family.

Bottoms up tomorrow

…and it is not my bottom that is going up. Junior already has it’s bottom up so all we need now is for me to drink the magic midwife cocktail with verb.ena oil and trip this labour business into full steam ahead. Unfortunately this is no Sex in the City cocktail scene and I don’t think it will taste any better in a martini glass.

 

If I close my eyes real tight while I drink the cocktail I might be able to see myself looking like this...

 

 

or more sophisticated like this...

There also is the possibility I will something like this while I drink it down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am hoping that I manage to pull off the more sophisticated look of image number 2. I will let you know. Generally, as far as labour is concerned, there has been some smoke, but no cigar. It has been a stop and go process with a few positive signs that my body is getting ready.  I will start drinking first thing tomorrow (assuming labour doesn’t come tonight!). Hopefully the drink combined with the other things I have been doing does the trick.

I am 41 weeks and 3 days so I had to do the nonstress test today. There is plenty of fluid, movement and Junior’s heartbeat is great. It took a long time to finish the test because Junior was moving so much they couldn’t get a resting heart rate. The midwives still say there no huge hurry especially because the results looked so good today. This gives me a little more time and I can try the drink before having to do talk about medical induction.

I am hopeful and grateful to be in this birth program. I feel confident that I will have the best possible birth I can have and that we will be able to deal with whatever comes up. Hopefully I will not find myself surrounded by topless men and playing cards.

Moving along….

Ok babee in case you haven’t noticed we have been busy helping you prepare to leave the nest. Technically the careproviders don’t consider you late until this Friday and even then we still have a little more time. This is a good time because really there is no rush so I can pick and choose what things I do to help you along and follow what feels right.

Here is what we currently have going on.

In the past few weeks I have had three sessions of acupuncture for cervical ripening and one acupuncture induction session, drank gallons of raspberry tea, walked a million miles, had massage to encourage labour and lots of general good things to encourage oxcitocin. Today we opened the drawers in the bedroom. When F was in her mama’s tummy and labour was long and hard, her mama send her dad home from the hospital to open the drawers. It helps open things up. We opened nine because that means longevity and so you will have a long life when you come.

F and I are also making cookies and crumble , going to movies, making deals on Craig’s list and hanging with friends. On Friday if babee is still not here we have the non stress test and start drinking midwife cocktails. Most importantly I swim almost everyday so that my hips don’t fall off.

Getting back on track

Anxiety was slowly creeping up on me since the due date and was getting worse as I went along.  Medical procedures send me back down trauma lane faster than anything else.  I got through all the fertility treatment and tests with my own special drug combo, presents and great people on my team.  The further I got from the due date the more I worried about medical interventions for induction that that I would have to get through without drugs to take the edge off. My main goal with this whole labour is to not go down trauma lane and keep it really positive. Given what I have gone through, it takes some planning.

Last night F called our favorite care provider who was on call and talked to her.  We came up with a plan that will work for me if this baby needs some encouragement to leave the nest. The medical things that were stressing me out and are not part of my plan. I am exempt from them. How great is that! Our care provider says they won’t be helpful anyway if they are stressing me out that much. And even better, I can take some anti-anxiety pills if I end up needing to do medical things that are difficult. It won’t hurt me or the baby. These pills are  sublingual so they will work in 5 minutes. She also said that I am healthy and the baby is fine so there is no hurry right now and chances are very high it will come on its own.

I feel so much better. I have an exit plan for this baby that I can do. I have a great team that understands me. If I need to, I can take something for anxiety.  I couldn’t ask for more and having all of this in place, means I don’t have anxiety any more.

Hopefully Junior will show up soon. I can have another acupuncture treatment this week to help encourage this baby along. If there is still no sign on Friday, I will have an U/S and heartbeat check and then start some of those magic cocktails the midwives put together. My friend from prenatal class who just had her baby told me not to worry about labour and that F really has more to fear than me. She cracks me up.

40 weeks and 3 days

She tried

I wore her out. F decided to be a protective husband and come with me to appointments and hang out with me while I did stuff in this waiting time, but she can’t keep up.  She barely made it through today and I don’t think she would make it through tomorrow. I appreciate the effort, but she is meant to stay home on the couch with Moumee and I am meant to run around and do things. I don’t sit still and she doesn’t run, but we are happy together.

40 Weeks

Dear Junior,

Have you ever wondered if there is more to life than being upside down in a dark cramped tunnel leaning on a bag of pee?

Have you ever considered the amount of different things that can be kicked besides my right rib?

Did you know that there are warm furry animals with tails waiting to be pulled? We have been pulling them for a while now so the pets are used to being bugged.

Also, getting bigger is not going to make this exiting process any easier. I just gotta mention that, you know, size matters.

Today is a great day. The sun is peaking through the clouds and the rain has stopped. Ski season is just around the corner and we finally got some names picked for you.

My favorite careprovider says you are not really late. Anytime between 37-41 is normal. She also said you are a good sized peanut and will be a good size for me.  She is on call Saturday starting at 6:00pm and would love to catch you.  That would be a really good time to come, but anyway you get to pick the day and really anytime this week will work out fine.

Peace man. May the force be with us.