Waiting and Wondering

I am 7 weeks today. It sounds so impressive, but really it is just because the way they count it (from your last period) that I end up getting a bunch of weeks for free. I am happy to have made it this far, but I am seriously on the edge of my chair. Thursday is the 7 week viability ultrasound and it still feels impossibly far away. I am also scared of Thursday.  I am just hoping that there is dividing and great things happening. Lucky for me Wednesday is a busy day and will go fast.

Vir.us Al.ert!

I’ve done some research and added three virus’s onto this blog. It’s too late to click away so read up on what is coming your way!

Waiting for the phone to ring? This virus took some serious work because it had to go from my computer, to your computer and through your phone to your social worker’s phone. No problem I got it working.  If you are currently waiting for adoption and foster care placement calls from your social worker, they will be coming soon. Software has been uploaded to your computer and phone to make it happen. I also added a bonus virus that will help your social worker be organized and efficient. They get pretty busy and will be even more so with the virus I sent them, so I thought I better help them out.

Figuring out what to do and looking for a new path? Transition times can put a rain cloud over our heads and be stormy. This next virus transmits a rainbow path through your computer to guide you to an amazing future.  There are great things coming. It also makes the windy sunny days to blow away clouds.  The only drawback to this virus is that the world may seem a little brighter and you may need wear sunglasses for a few days until your eyes adjust.

This is a serious get pregnant and stay pregnant virus. (If you don’t want to become pregnant right now you might want to use a back up method.) We have some ladies out there who have been at this a long time and are more than ready for a sticky sticky BFP to come their way. Please note this virus does not require you to “relax”, take drugs or have your lady business messed with. This pregnancy is transmitted electronically. It is very cutting edge technology.

Half a breath

Premium plus crackers, a new bra and an antidote for the “Pomeranian pill” crazeees. Those are the things that I need right now.  I am pregnant. I feel it. The beta tests all say so.  At the same time, I am still holding my breath and crossing my fingers. Sometimes I have battle through fear to get the things I need.

Yesterday I made a bold move. I borrowed a prenatal yoga video from the library. Those “Pomeranian pills” have been sending me on a trip far away from planet earth.  I was hoping that a little breathing and yoga would help pull me back.  I am also still on Dr. Zen prescribed “taking it easy” time and this video definately fits with that. This is no ninja yoga flow class with a hottie yoga instructor.  Wow, what a way to start a Saturday morning that was.  This is very gentle yoga and breathing, but I prefer to think of it as just another kind of ninja yoga.

Placebo, prometrium, pomeranians

Ohhh Pometrium. I can never remember what you are called and always think of you as the Pomeranian pills.  Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled to still need to take it and wouldn’t trade it for those PIO shots, but it isn’t exactly fun. Initially I didn’t read the side effects to avoid giving my self the placebo effect. After few “issues” came up I decided it was time to read the pamphlet. Yup it explained a lot of things. Poor F. Sometimes I am a little high maintenance right now.

Happy tired

Yesterday mornings Beta result finally came in, 681. Dr. Zen says this is a good rise.  What a happy day. Now I am exhausted and am heading straight to bed. Thanks for all the beta love everyone.

The new normal

There are no results. I gave blood at 7am, but the lab still hadn’t processed them by the end of business hours today. Hopefully tomorrow.  Since Thursday I have gone through every emotion in the book. I don’t have any more. I feel like now this is just what I do every day. Take fertility drugs, take prenatal vitamins,  feel nauseous and wait to see if this is going somewhere or nowhere. I am tired. Tomorrow will be the fifth day of waiting for this beta.

Coming round the mountain

Last night I cried enough to make what Queerstork calls a tissue mountain. I think it was good because when I went to work Friday morning I felt like my tear ducts were all emptied out so I knew it was unlikely I would end up crying there.  Last night F was a hero for us. She was able to hold some hope and sanity.

All day I have been reassured by your comments and positive thoughts. Thank you so much! I also got F to call our doctor who said he is not overly concerned about the numbers, but they do need to be checked again. This means Monday morning at 7am I will be back at the lab. If I go that early the lab seems to be able to get the results into Dr. Zen by the late afternoon. Phew. I am hoping to get a nice strong beta.

This is the weird thing. When I got the BFP both F and I were mostly scarred. We had little moments of happiness with each other and close friends, but it was hard to celebrate. We both had this idea that if we had happiness, it would hurt more if it didn’t work out. Fertility issues can suck the joy out of life like nothing else.  Last night I was convinced it was over and what was really special was remembering the amazing moments. I loved the rest of the day after transfer because for that moment I knew I had two little embryos dividing inside me. The lab gave me a picture of where they were  in my uterus. F and I took pictures of the BFP sticks because we had never had one in the house before. Sharing the news with my closest friends.  All those moments made me feel better. I am so happy that we did take the risk and feel those little bits of joy.

I am still really scarred about Monday, but at least for right now I am not making a tissue mountain and am going to do as many fun and distracting things as possible this weekend.

Beta Blues

First Beta 107.  Second Beta 178.  Not a double. Not necessarily a train weck either. Beta again on Monday. This is going to be a very long weekend.

BFP

Four expensive pregnancy sticks and one Beta of 107, all say the same thing. After two years of trying, for the first time ever, we have a BFP! We never would have made it this far without everyone here. We are blessed to have all of you by our side.

Slowly going crazy

In a few hours I will take the first beta and then we wait. Results maybe tomorrow afternoon? I have to wait a long time. I don’t know if this is still working. I am in POAS addiction withdrawal. I can’t sleep. I am losing my mind with waiting. I also feel like the pregancy hormone has left my body.