April 25, 2009
My mother in law is here staying with me. Any moment now two of F’s aunties could walk through my apartment door. F is at work so I gotta do this on my own. Later we are going to a Chinese banquet for another aunties surprise birthday. I am nervous about that too. I feel like the white girl from the wrong side of the tracks who got herself in trouble and led the nice Chinese catholic school girl astray. Talk about ridiculous stereotypes. F’s family has been great. I have even been commanded by yet another auntie, to try harder, when it was taking us so long to start a family.
Since my mother in law (mil) came my fridge and freezer have been organized, the appliances are unplugged and I can no longer carry things or eat pineapple. She has been cooking us yummy Chinese food. My mil is amazing and great. This is a tiny one bedroom apartment though and I always feel squished when she stays. I am sure she feels the same.
Oh my gosh the aunties are here. They are happy and smiling and don’t seem to have any plans to send me to a home for unwed mothers. Oh yeah, I am married anyway so I doubt they would take me. Phew.
April 22, 2009
I am ten weeks today and my stomach is huge. This is no cute baby bump. This is not a starting to show magical moment. What I have is a totally enormous rock hard bloated belly. It is not baby. That is teeny tiny. Nope, this is from gas. I have never seen or felt anything like it. “Bloating” doesn’t quite cut it as a description . For better or for worse it doesn’t go anywhere. It just sits there growing larger in the day and shrinking at night. I had to buy a new bikini bottom to accommodate it. I am surprised I could still swim normally given that I have a fully inflated beach ball inside my stomach. I am relieved that I didn’t start leaking air from my belly button piercing. I haven’t gained a pound, but looked like I have added fifteen. According to google, bloating is normal during the first trimester. Here’s to more ginger tea and probiotics and hopefully deflating before I explode.
April 16, 2009
Today was the 9 week ultrasound and all is well. There is movement, a heartbeat, little legs and everything measures up just right. We even heard the heartbeat. I can’t believe all that is going on in there. Definitely worth taking my pants off for, but I am looking forward to keeping my pants on when I see doctors in the future.
Since going off the pomerarians my heart has been getting lighter and there is a glass with something in it. Not quite half full, but not smashed either. My head feels more clear. Luckily, I can blame at least some of the craziness on pomerarians. The no more drugs combined with another ultrasound has left me feeling at peace today. Dr Zen also said that I am lucky and should enjoy that fact that I am having a fairly easy pregnancy. Not feeling sick all the time is not a reason to panic.
The last few weeks have been a struggle with trying to ignore that fact that I was pregnant and needing to do things for pregnancy. I still took prenatals, but some things just got caught up in the grief over losing the pregnancy and I couldn’t do them. As part of moving forward this weekend, I am dedicating it to hooter happiness. I will be buying a new bigger bra and also several tightly fitted tank tops with shelf bras in them, which is my top choice for sleeping in right now. I feel like I have enormous hooters, but really I just need a bigger bra. I am moving up to B.
April 13, 2009
…the pets are really hoping that we have a baby soon.
Moumee fits perfectly into size 0-3 months
Montana’s sporting a 2T for her swimsuit edition
April 12, 2009
Today is the very last day of the pomeranian pills. What will I be doing tomorrow at 7am, 3pm and 10pm? I could be at the movies, sleeping, with friends, shopping, walking the dog or just doing something or another a million miles away from a bathroom and not care one bit. My lady business will be closing tonight at 10 and will no longer be taking drug deposits.
Starting tomorrow I am drug free. I haven’t been drug free since January 20. I have taken birth control, lu.pron, Brav.elle, Me.napur, HCG, some kind of crazy cocktail for egg retrieval, atitivan for retrieval and transfer, estridal and of course the pomeranians. I am hoping the craziness gets less and I don’t find out that it was just me all along.
April 7, 2009
Since October I have been dealing with work hazards while TTC. It started with sick wild life. I spent months at a wildlife hospital with a student on work experience. The animals carry diseases that can be harmful to people especially while pregnant. Those feisty little critters also do appreciate the care they are getting and bite, spray, claw and peck depending on what they have at their disposal. The doctor said I could continue, but no getting bit and no inhaling poo dust.
After the wildlife center was done, the next classroom I was in had a mumps outbreak. The instructor in the classroom started calling them chubby chops. I had just found out I was pregnant, which meant that I could not get the booster vaccine. Back to the doctor to find out what to do. The doctor checked my blood and found out that my immunity was still good. Phew.
When I am not in regular classrooms, I have been working in a trades shop. The main issues are welding fumes, filler and solvents. I wear a respirator, safety glasses, hearing protection, shop jacket and wash my hands every time I leave there. I met with a midwife yesterday and she really recommended that I leave especially during the first trimester, if at all possible. Just to be on the safe side. My boss is amazing, so it is possible. Today I told my boss I am pregnant. I would have preferred to wait until the first trimester is over, but she had already figured out that I was doing fertility treatments a while ago and there doesn’t seem to be a lot of point lying now. She gave me a big hug and I am out of the shop.
We sat down and started switching the schedule around. Things were going fine until we hit next Thursday. That is when I have the 9 week ultrasound. Why would I plan anything past that day? About 50% of the time I don’t believe I am still pregnant and can’t really talk or make any plans other than when is the next appointment. I still live my life in two week time blocks. Maybe it is partly a habit. For the last two years we have spent two weeks getting ready for a cycle and then two weeks waiting for results. I hit a wall when I try to look ahead past my next appointment. I am still battling fear everyday. Anyway, I can’t tell her all this, so I let her continue to change a few more days on the schedule until she decided to call it quits. The schedule where I work changes so much there is no point planning too far ahead. Relief washed over me. I am out of the shop and I only had to look ahead about three weeks. More than I wanted, but not too much. Thursday’s ultrasound seems like it is a year away.
April 6, 2009
Yesterday morning I spend a couple of hours moping around that it had stopped working and that I was no longer pregnant. I had gone swimming the night before and figured that was what did it.
Ironically, I then spend the next couple of hours wandering up and down Commercial Drive trying to find something to eat that wasn’t going to make me sick. I love morning sickness because while it is not exactly fun, it is very reassuring.
You know the expression, is the glass half full or half empty? Normally I am a half full kindof girl. With fertility I feel like the glass got smashed.
I am slowly starting to climb my way back to having a glass with some water in it. Otherwise I miss out on enjoying this time in my life. I wouldn’t want that to happen regardless of where this journey takes me. I am fighting fears with facts and reality. I went swimming again this morning.
April 3, 2009
It’s F here …
Thank you so much, everybody! You have all been with us through (and still is) this long journey on both ends of the spectrum. Our fingers are still crossed because it’s so early, but it’s the size of a lima bean now with a beating heart of 145 beats per minute, so I am feeling very hopeful. I gasped when I saw the heart beating. I can’t thank you all enough for your
incredible support, especially with Next In Line, I know that she has felt your support and encouragement lift her through many days and nights of tears and worry.
April 2, 2009
There is a heartbeat. We are very happy. There actually are two sacs so both little embryos started, but only one made it through all that crazy dividing business they go through. What a mix of emotions today. Now I am eating a whole bag of Miss Vicky’s salt and vinegar chips guilt free to celebrate. I also had all the IVF restrictions on what I can do physically lifted. Ironically to celebrate I am couching it and eating chips.