The transition truck rolled in and over me. A collision of factors came together and hit me hard. There was so many emotions flying around this weekend. It was the combination of getting ready to go back to work (and starting to work part-time) and being able to leave her and have some fun breaks.
The little breathers made me realize what I have done in the past 9 months. I never knew what a commitment breastfeeding would be. I wouldn’t change anything either, but I had no idea. I assumed that she would take a bottle when I went out and then at 6 months drink from a sippy cup and eat freeing me up some more*. The sippy cup never worked out and she eats well now, but that took about 6 weeks for her to really get it. Basically the two of us have been glued together and the longest time I could leave her was two and half hours and that was assuming she had just nursed. In the end she went from breastfeeding only, to still nursing but can also drink with a straw with her mamee and eat food at 7ish months. Last week, 9ish months, she drank breast milk with a straw with her grandmothers. I am sure if I had had a shorter leave from work that we could have pushed the bottle, but I am grateful that we have had the time to be together and let her just nurse and follow her own rhythm.
I have starting working part-time just a few hours a week at one of the harder places I work. I have a unbloggable job. It is too specialized and the world is too small to post about it here. But imagine running McDonald’s including the takeout window, kitchen and front cashier by yourself. It is crazy and corporate. Click here, click there and it all has to be done in so many seconds. I am paid by the minute and what I do each second is monitored. Pretty tough on a mama brain after being off for so long. I have been going once a week, but I realized that I need to twice a week to really get comfortable. I know that this will make my transition back to full-time work in November much easier. When I go back full-time it will be at the college, less corporate and more human, although at times equally challenging. I have also been pushing through the denial bubble and starting to get things ready for babysitting when I go back to work. We have a great place lined up, I couldn’t ask for better, but it is still a big transition for me and her.
Enough about work. I have also been sneaking in some fun. That is the best! Yoga, going out with friends and just getting in little breaks. I have been re-energized from it. The combo of getting some energy back and starting work has made me look back at the past 9 months, right back to labour. It is crazy how labour happens, which for me was 48 hours and a c-section and her getting sick and being in the nursery, and then I hit the ground running and barely looked back.
At first I felt steam rolled over by all the emotions. Now I am feeling more ready to push through and find my new stride. Right now it is all about transition and getting ready. In November I will be finding my new legs that will take me to work and while still being a mama. I am just going to go ahead and publish this. Please excuse any mistakes or things that don’t make sense. I can’t proofread because my brain is too tired from lack of sleep due to teeth that are still not through. It is not everything that I wanted to say, but is a bunch of what I have been thinking about.
*I see a huge difference between my American blogger friends and my Canadian stroller fit moms have experienced. Most of my stroller fit friends all have said the same thing…s/he never took a bottle. Most of were told the most important thing was to establish breastfeeding and that the bottle would interfere with that. Most of us thought that we could occasionally give bottles when we needed to be out. I am sure that for some babies that works, but for others it just doesn’t fly and selling them on the bottle takes some serious work. The longer parental leaves in Canada mean that many of the moms and babies I know have just stuck together and breastfed straight from the source until it was time for sippy cups or straws. I am amazed at what my friends have done with shorter leaves;pumping, bottles and juggling babies and work.