Now is a new chapter. I no longer think about charts, cycles and drugs. What I do think about is keeping it green, travel (how to do it as a queer family), living with passion and purpose, family, community, alternative education and fun. And so a new blog is born. I tried to continue the old one, but I still felt the baggage of infertility attached to it.  Infertility really bites and it took me a long time, even after having my daughter, to be at one with it. This blog doesn’t have the lightness  to it that I am seeking and I feel squashed as to what topics  I explore here.

Today is moving day. I have so little time it has taken me forever to set up a new blog. It is a work in process, but so is life. I am moving us over I hope you will join me at

Running on Tall Grass 

My password will be the same, but Bee will be going by her in real life name Pnut.  Bee was her baby name. She has grown and changed and become a true Pnut.

We spent a month in Cuba when she was 4 months old and caught the perfect time. She slept with us and nursed a lot of the night, but she slept. She napped on the go in the stroller or carrier. 

Since then she has been a tough traveler. Being up 6 or more times in the night with her in a new place was pretty normal. 

Last summer when we went away we brought emergency space blankets and painters tape to cover the windows and block out light, a noise machine, an ipod dock to play her favorite song on repeat and a travel crib so that she would have a consistent place to sleep while away if she wasn’t sleeping with us. F and I would sleep without moving because any noise, including blankets moving, would wake her up. I remember late one night while we were away I finally got her to settle by sitting in a chair and letting her nurse. No lying, it had to be sitting. That was a long night. 

Last year I said I would pay 100$ a night to not sleep in a tent with her. We are huge backpackers at heart and decided not to do any camping trips. 

Now I feel like anything is possible. We spent three nights away. We brought the travel crib which she skillfully climbed out and into bed with us. She was thrilled to sleep in the big bed with us and both snuggled up and kicked and generally hogged the bed. We all slept in a squishy she has most of the bed way, but we slept. 

I learned a lot reading those blogs. I can see how to make it work. It was mind opening to realize the possibility of this. It would take some work and planning, but not impossible for us as a family. I also think it would be harder for us as gay family, but still possible.  While I was doing this, F was calculating how many hours it will take to become regularized at the college where she works and considering a masters. So which path do we take?

I also read books about finances. I really value being smart about money. I grew up on welfare. A friend once said to me that, “rich people know how to make and keep money. They know things we don’t.” We both had no money, but signed up for a money management for women class and started learning. We were 19. I have kept learning ever since then. I often feel conflicted with my desire to learn and my own upbringing on welfare.

These travel blogs and a finance book I was reading got me thinking and it shook my world a little. What is important to us as a family and how do we do it? F and I started to look at adding a coach house in our back yard. There are all kinds of positives financially and ethically. It really is a fantastic idea except that it further shook my world. Changes in my home are very unsettling for me. I live in such a happy home with F and Bee and have for so long that I forgotten this.

It was the perfect storm of events;  a crazy week at work that included being video taped and put on YouTube, working overtime, Bee getting me up a lot at night, drinking coffee because of being so incredibly tired, considering becoming a nomadic family,  adding a coach house in the yard and pms. I went down the rabbit hole and haven’t felt so terrible in a long long time. It scared the pants of me to feel this way again even for a day. I am on the other side of this terrible day, but also realize that I must not jump into anymore rabbit holes. That means no more caffeine, a lot of wellness and no sudden moves.

Besides being smart with money, I  believe in living a life filled with passion, following dreams and fun. This is both challenging and exciting to do.

So back to the question before…where to go from here? This whole crazy time has reminded me of how much I love my home with F and Bee and how important it is. I also love where I live and my friends here. In my heart of hearts, I am not meant to be a fully nomadic person. That doesn’t mean no to a coach house and travel, but how and when plus how to keep it fun is what is on the table.

I feel like the chapter of infertility is closed. It has been closing for a long time, but I still carried some baggage. If people ask me now about our journey, I would sum it up as a long one with both us trying, a lot of drugs and heartache and that we were lucky enough to get pregnant with IVF. I am grateful everyday for the family that we are. 

For a long time the IVF part of the story wasn’t one that I could talk about. I don’t necessarily tell everyone that, but it isn’t a big deal anymore. 

Bee is also a kid now; not a baby anymore. When she was a baby we headed out into the world with her, but F and I were her world. She was just as happy nursing in Cuba as she was at home. Now we head out into the world and while we are still her world, her world is bigger now. 

I have been thinking a lot about travel, world schooling, alternative schooling, environmentalism, our work lives, our home and community and how do we live the next chapter. 

I am still working on greening it up. I just read Shopping our way to safety: how we changed from protecting the environment to protecting ourselves. To sum it up, don’t be an ostrich with your head in the sand, sun screened bum to the ozone depleted atmosphere and think you’ve got it covered. It was refreshing and a good antidote to the commercialized idea that you can protect yourself and your family by buying green. The author advocates that we have to shake off the of false sense of security that this offers us and work towards bigger change. 

So how we are going to do that? Moving our family to zero waste is a great first step, but it is time to get back out there and hug some trees. I checked online for some tree planting/hugging opportunities, but they were all during nap time. I wrote to my mayor about food waste pick up and while that is good I feel the need to do more. I think it is time to go to the top and write to the Canadian government and why not cc Obama too? We are neighbours, we should work together to clean up our countries. You could argue a lot about what are the most important political issues, but really if we don’t have clean water to drink and good air to breath what else is there? 

There seems to be a new plan in the works! She is nursing less and less. She has even been occasionally skipping nursing at bedtime. Amazing. It is such a beautiful sweet process. 

The good news, actually the best news ever, is that I got a part-time LOA approved for work. It looked almost impossible and it took months of negotiating. Starting in April I will work three days a week for a year. I can’t wait. Just a couple more weeks and this flurry will start to settle. 

Now head down and back to work Just a couple more weeks left. 

This was inspired by a picture on pinterest of one you can buy. Besides it being a silly thing to buy, we are (like Puffer) saving for travel.  Bee and I have been watching this Sesame Street video clip where the kids become engineers. We became engineers and designed one ourselves using a yogurt container and an elastic band.

The elastic band likely was once used for broccoli and then I used it for hands free pumping. I happen to find it because I just did a whirlwind trip to Toronto for work. Oy. Bee still nurses and so the pump came. That will be the last time I pump This is my changing the world contribution for this week: reusing and reducing consumerism one elastic band at a time.

When I got back from Toronto I got sick and then made Bee sick. This all happened right when F had to fly to Ottawa for a week. Lets just say that inventing this tap extender was the highlight of Bee and mine’s day together and one of the few things we did beside being sick and watching videos. She spent a lot of time washing,  drying and rewashing her hands after we made it. That was lovely since I had been up with her most of the night and got to grab a couple minutes of quiet. Tomorrow will be better and we will be both have the energy to go out and still maybe come up with an invention when we get home.